As humans we display confidence through use of body language, both consciously and unconsciously. Our posture, handshake, eye contact, hand placement and body position all convey meaning. But what exactly is body language attraction?

Is It In His/Her Eyes?

First keep in mind that the eyes have a language of their own that, coupled with body gestures, invite or deter others from approaching and engaging us in conversation. Think about it for just a moment.

Men and women display their body language differently. Men demonstrate dominance while women use more submissive body language – letting the male know it is safe to approach.

Men, if interested, start with a look in her direct direction but don’t stare; five to six seconds should do it. Staring longer is stalking and may want her call 911 instead of giving you her number. So control yourself and let her know that you are flirting with her.

How Close Is Close?

How close is close while mating and dating?

How close is close while mating and dating?

Gentleman, stand with your feet pointed in her direction just about 6-10 inches apart, stand tall, shoulders back, step apart slightly from those around you. Feel free to take up a space of your own. If seated point your knees in the direction of your intended interest. Smile, straighten your tie but don’t cross your arms or put them behind your back.

Mirroring Each Other

We are attracted to those that remind us of ourselves and in reaction will mirror the other person’s body language. We will mimic the other person’s moves and gestures. Now keep in mind this is not like the game you played as a child with your siblings, when you would copy-cat their every move until they screamed at you in annoyance and you screamed back. This is not the response you desire.

The mirroring is much more subtle. She is holding her glass, you may do the same. She smiles and you reciprocate, she leans in and you respond likewise. Remember to respect each others’ space. If you lean in and the other person steps or leans back, you have crossed the line into their comfort zone without invitation… so retreat to a neutral zone.

Manners Still Count

Most of all, remember manners are important, so don’t be afraid to use them. If you want her phone number, politely ask for it. If you say you are going to call, then call and don’t wait a week to do so.

For women who find a man attractive, it is all about making him feel comfortable. He is taking a big risk in approaching you and rejection is every man’s fear followed by how to retreat without looking defenseless and hurt. So you want to send the right signs that it is worth the risk for him to approach you.

Glance, Gaze Or Stare?

The eyes are considered a universal sign of openness. Look into his eyes for a few seconds and then glance downward, not off to the sides, unless you have changed your mind. Do not stare him down. Just throw in a little smile to complete the look. Do this a few times in a ten to fifteen minute period and he should take the bait.

Men if you are worth a closer look, you will get one. She will hold your gaze a moment longer than usual. If her eyes then travel down to your lips and follow a path all the way to your feet, she has found you worth a closer look.

In the olden days it was said that women gave a “come hither look” which was often considered to be scandalous. Well, what isn’t broken still doesn’t need to be fixed. This look is seductive and alluring.

Invitation Or Rejection?

Now, should she wet her lips by running her tongue from the corner of her mouth up and over her upper lip then she is stating that either her lips are very dry or she is sexually interested. Careful men don’t overreact.

The saying “if looks could kill” is rooted in the observation that if someone glares at you will get the message that you have a) done something offensive, b) are simply not welcome or c) don’t get any closer if you know what is good for you.

Have you ever had someone introduce you to a man that you might find attractive while he is positioned next to another woman that has an interest in gaining or retaining his attention? Being the gentleman that he is he introduces you to this “other” woman. What happens next?

She will most likely be quite gracious in her verbal approach to you. “How nice to meet you” is perhaps the type of phrase she may utter but check out the eyes! If she is sending a glare in your direction you may just want to take a step back… far back. If she begins glancing or staring off to the side then she is looking for the nearest escape route.

Touch Me (Please)

Touching can send definitive messages of interest. A man may use touch to excuse himself by touching your hand or shoulder or simply brush lightly up against his interest ever so casually. Touching another person’s body is a powerful step that goes a step beyond a gesture. It takes you to a more advanced level in the game of body language stakes.

When a woman places her hand on a man’s thigh, it sends a most personal sexual message. Certainly much more so than when a woman touches a man’s hand or shoulder. A man will rarely ever pull away, unless he is clearly not interested, perhaps already involved in a serious relationship.

Some more subtle signs a woman may show are touching or stoking her glass, especially a stemmed glass. Playing with the garnish in her drink or spooning the whipped cream from the top of hot beverage into her mouth. The thought of a woman with red lipstick eating a chocolate covered strawberry while stroking a stemmed glass of champagne will surely bring a smile to any man’s face. Touching is a positive sign not to be ignored.

So keep in mind that to speak silently and give your mouth a break. Save it for the good night kiss.

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Filed under: Attraction & Dating